Stick'em up

I like to watch really action packed movies, with lots of guns and explosions and car chases...SOme of my all time favorite movies have so many guns and weapons in them, there's barely enough room for dialog...Aliens 2 is a prime example, I've probably quoted that movie on a weekly, basis since I got a VHS copy from my Uncle Kieth, way back in the 87. The Matrix Trilogy, Apocolypse Now, Platoon, Die Hard series, heck Full Metal Jacket..etc You get the point, it's not like I have a whole bunch of guns at home and I go out on the weekend to shoot shit..Heck I've only pulled the trigger on 3 guns in my whole life, but that wood pile deserved it...My grandmother bought me a toy cowboy gun when I was 7 or 8, but my parent took that from me instantly and i never saw it again, there where no guns in our house. And now that I'm a parent I realize that, I'm teaching our son that guns aren't neccesary in life and that shooting things with a gun is wrong. And all that goes with raising a boy that respects nature and life and would never use a gun, Davven even has some toys with guns on them and we tell him thier water cannons..lol...So living in Canada where gun toting people are reserved for hunters and police officers, I never thought that I'd come across a gun or someone holding one with the intent on doing harm, ever...I mean that only happens in the movies I watch and my heroes on the screen seem to handle getting shot at or having a gun stuck in thier face with realitive ease. But to be perfectly honest , I'm struggling. It happened to me, someone came here to rob me and they had a gun, a real gun...He wanted money, and was itching to not only rob me and the shop of money, but rob my son of a father and my wife a husband...And it made me mad, but what could I do, he had a gun..And although my wife(the darling) has tried to comfort me and has told me I did the right thing by not doing anything, the police have told me I did the right thing, friends and facebook friends have all sent thier love and thoughts to me... I can't shake it...I'm fully tearing up as I write this now...I CAN"T FUCKING SHAKE IT...As calm as I was during the whole robbery as calmly as I walked over to the door when he ran out, and locked it, as calmly as I called 911...inside I was and still am, shaken. As my tears subside the anger inside me starts to boil and I want to smash him, not because I feel a little emasculated and want my manhood back, but because he wanted to hurt the people I love...The what ifs are the hard part to shake...What if the door hadn't banged and startled him, what if I had the door fixed last year like I wanted to, what if a truck hadn't gone by at that moment..what if he had pointed the gun at me...would I have stayed calm would I have been a stupid victim on TV, would I have fought for my life, for the future of my son and wife, WOULD I...I still want to smash him...How can I justify telling my son that violence is not the answer when that's what I want to do?..Smash him...I have not gotten to sleep before 2am since it happened...and although i feel like it has gotten a bit better everyday...I thouhgt sharing things with those of you that read my blog..would maybe help things out a bit more...For all of you who have called or sent me a message I thank you from the bottom of my heart....
Thanks for listening
Cheers
Darren

Rant Time

So my son Davven is turning 5 this April. And because of this he's heading off to school in September. This is something that I am not, by any stretch of the imagination looking forward too. I am really not ready for him to go to school, daycare is bad enough. Now don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying that Davven isn't ready, he's smart, witty, sarcastic, understands concepts easily and really has an amazing vocabulary. Although he can be distracted easily and gets bored quickly if the pace is slow. He is after all MY son and does take after me. What I'm getting at is i'm not sure I'm ready to handle all the things that comes with him going to school. Anyone who knows me knows that my school years don't really bring back great memories for me, and of course I know that I can't let Davven in on my apprehensions about school. I'm just afraid that he's gonna come home from school and tell me how little Johnny told him to fuck off and Little Sally said he was an idiot, then I'm gonna go down there and spank the living piss out of Johnny and Sally and drop kick johnny's mom across the parking lot while Sally's Dad cowers in the corner...But I digress...
We've all seen these kids on TV get bullied and come back and shoot up a school, the kids that did the shooting always get blamed for thier"senseless acts of violence" but I have a different view on that,,,no-one ever says shit about the kids that bullied them so bad that they thought shooting up the school and killing themselves was the only answer...Cause honestly they are just as responsible as the kids that pulled the trigger. I know that Davven may or may not have to deal with bullies, and that I assume we've done a good job that he won't be one(cause that's not acceptable either). And I'll learn and adapt myself as his school years progress, and teach all i can about protecting himself. And most importantly letting him know he can talk to me at anytime about anything. So if he is bullied and he is afraid of something at school, that Nat and I are the first line of defence, and not grieving parents of a kid that just shot up a school or got punched and in the chest and died in a playground.
Thanks for letting me vent
Darren